There I said it. I’ve finally admitted it. It’s hard and difficult and some days, I just want to hide under a duvet and not be ‘Mum’. I want my other half to stay at home and deal with everything I have to on a daily basis.
It’s not even just being a Mum or having to deal with the new tantrums (but that is a part of it)! It’s constantly having to tidy up. That’s the main thing. I’m writing this at 10am and this is my view..
Now, to most, this doesn’t look like a lot. However, the living room is the main room in the house so this is where we spend all of our time. And I don’t want to be stepping over bricks, toy animals and the bloody washing basket that Henry insists on playing with.
I’m tired of having to wait until nap time to have my breakfast to myself. If I eat while he’s awake, he wants some. If I say no, it’s like his whole world collapses and he let’s me know that!
I’m tired. Full stop. I’m convinced I have some form of fatigue syndrome but no doctor will give me a definitive diagnosis. One doctor will say I have one thing and another doctor will disagree and take it away. So yes, I do have normal ‘mombie’ syndrome but that’s on top of this fatigue which is awful. I can’t do anything some days.
I’m tired of having to tidy up/hoover/wash up all day.
I’m tired of whinging. Today, he’s whinged from 8.15am. For no reason.
I’m tired of not being able to study. Because of the tiredness and having to tidy, I’m 3 weeks behind on studying. I have no energy or motivation.
I’m tired of being alone. I’m trying to get out more and I’ve even offered to volunteer at a local children’s group so that helps a lot. But that’s only once a week.
I’m tired of having to adult.
I’m not depressed or anything like that. Henry definitely pushes me to my limit and when I’m about to break, he does something cute or hilarious and brings me back from the brink. It’s like he knows. I’m just fed up. I’m hoping the new year will bring a new beginning and I’ll feel a lot more happy and upbeat about things. Christmas is my favourite time of the year so I’m hoping that the festivities will brighten my mood and bring me out of this ‘down’ mood.
I’ve got my little man and my family. That’s all I need. I guess the chores can wait.